"For successful attachment to occur, there are two requirements: each individual must be able to read the other’s cues and each individual must be able to respond appropriately to the other’s cues. These thoughts came to mind as I read a recently published book, When Mama Can’t Kiss it Better by Lori Gertz. In it, Lori tells the emotional and gripping story from the time of her family’s adopting a beautiful newborn girl through the time seven years later when the adoption disrupted and the child was moved to another family and another state where perhaps her needs could be better met. "
IRA CHASNOFF, M.D. PSYCHOLOGY TODAY 3/20/2015
"Lori Gertz tumultuously but tenderly, turns her guts inside out in her recent release, "When Mama Can't Kiss It Better". Her passion to tell her family's uniquely stormy story pushes you over the edge of empathy. Surviving a tsunami of: hate mail, horribly demeaning articles, press that swallowed their truth whole, she soldiered on in a public that judged their ultimate decision, not unlike 'Sophie's Choice'. Lori doesn't ask the reader to forgive them for the most difficult decision a parent could make - placing their child to be raised by another family. Lori's memoir of testing the school system, crashing into a culture that blamed and suffering the feelings of a failure as a mother, is a testimony of courage not cowardice. Her faith, hope and her ability to stay in love with a child who didn't know how to love back, is heart breaking and inspiring. Loss and grief has never before been bared as a mother is battered by rejection, violence and hate from her child. Yet, in the end, if you let Lori's words shape your understanding of a death within a life...you will never be the same. But you will be a better person for it."
DONNIE KANTER WINOKUR, AUTHOR OF THE CHANCER CHRONICLES AND NUZZLE, 10/4/2014
"When Mama Can't Kiss It Better, A journey of love, loss and acceptance by Lori Gertz isn't a must read at all. IT'S A HAVE TO READ! This book is one that everyone who have children or work with children should read. Once you sit down you will be stuck on your seat as you turn the pages and turn the pages and turn the pages again. You won't stop until you finish and you'll probably read it again ... I did. Lori Gertz was willing to share her honest story about her life."
MARJORIE, 10/1/2014
"... it does an excellent job of highlighting the woefully inadequate care this country provides for people who are mentally ill. The discussion of the school's refusal to provide obviously needed services due to their primary concern being their budget was spot on. The residential treatment facilities at best being a holding place and many times making the situation worse. And everyone's automatic inclination to always blame the mother (even when a father is present too). I know because I've seen all of these things. My hope is that books like this one will spread awareness of mental illness in children and what it truly does to the families it affects."
KRAZYBOOKLADY, 10/1/2014
"This is an important book that psychologists have been waiting for. WHEN MAMA CAN'T KISS IT BETTER reminds us that some children are so severely damaged that even excellent parents cannot reverse the genetic imprint.”
ROBERTA TEMES, Ph.D., CLINICAL ASSISTANT PROFESSOR, DOWNSTATE MEDICAL SCHOOL PSYCHOTHERAPIST
"Lori Gertz's heart-rending story speaks to every mother who has ever doubted herself and desperately longed for certainty when making crucial decisions about her children's welfare based on patchy information. WHEN MAMA CAN’T KISS IT BETTER is a harrowing portrait of what special needs parents go through when trying to find answers and resources. It exposes the frustrations and pitfalls of dealing with medical, legal, and educational systems that are inadequate to meet the needs of a rapidly growing population of children with serious developmental, emotional, and behavioral issues.”
NANCY PESKE, CO-AUTHOR OF THE AWARD WINNING RAISING A SENSORY SMART CHILD: THE DEFINITIVE HANDBOOK FOR HELPING YOUR CHILD WITH SENSORY PROCESSING ISSUES
"The final few chapters from WHEN MAMA CAN’T KISS IT BETTER had my heart pounding. I was unable to put the book down. On one hand, I was compelled to read it quickly to find out how it unfolded. Alternatively, I found myself slowing down to digest the great spiritual insights Lori Gertz learned through her journey. I shed many tears over her heart aching descriptions, like looking at the empty seat at the dinner table. Gertz’s honesty and her willingness to expose her vulnerability is a gift as this story is a significant contribution of support to society. It will touch more lives and families than we will ever know or our culture will ever want to admit.”
REV. CHRISTIAN C. SORENSEN, D.D. , AUTHOR JOYOUS FREEDOM JOURNAL SERIES
When Mama Can’t Kiss it Better powerfully transcends past media misinterpretations of the Gertz family’s case as a “failed adoption” tale. Taking charge of her story, Lori Gertz balances moving storytelling with enlightened analysis to reveal a far bigger picture. She presents chilling proof that our medical, educational, and legal systems are quick to place blame for a child’s invisible disabilities (and thus responsibility for “fixing them”), squarely on the mother. Indeed, at least half of the 38 doctors who evaluate Emily conclude the problem stemmed from Lori’s interactions with her (e.g., lack of discipline or too much of it) or in Lori herself (e.g., over-worrying, depression, drugs, unsuitability as an adoptive parent). One doctor goes so far as to suggest Lori suffers from Munchausen by Proxy. Not much has changed--in the 1950s we blamed overbearing mothers for causing schizophrenia and in the 1970s we blamed cold mothers (“refrigerator mothers”) for autism. Even after the fetal alcohol spectrum disorder and mental illness diagnoses are obtained, Lori must (and does) move mountains to secure adequate services and accommodations for her daughter. However, as the story unfolds it becomes increasingly clear that our current systems set up children with invisible disabilities and their families for failure. Ultimately, this book is poignant evidence that children with neurological disorders or mental illnesses need more and better support and resources--regardless of the time, money, and kisses provided by their mothers.
REBECCA FUOCO, MPH WRITER & INVISIBLE ILLNESS ADVOCATE, HUFF POST
